Sorry Hurts
by Tedeibea Kawaii
Summary: They always said it wasn't who or what it seemed to be...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N****: Firstly, may I just give a huge 'thankyouhappybirthday!' to everyone who read and reviewed my previous fanfic, especially to Jaskett4Eva and little firestar for the encouragement and advice given.  
All of your positive reviews really are inspiring!**

**This is a plot bunny that popped up after my Lil Red Cupcake and I had a discussion (more like a debate really) on 'Who's Red John?'. This one is dark, but I'm just going with it. So you never know, who-does-what-and-how-one-wears-a-who. I may go on with it; if it gets positive feedback.**

**Thank you to Bankx, JayJay and Dora for editing and sternly directing me. This one's dedicated to my Lil Cupcake! Love you.**

**TeddB**

**Disclaimer:**** Wouldn't be as awesome as it is if I owned the show. But boy do I wish! **

* * *

Chapter 1: Something's a miss...

After the painful death of his wife and daughter, a decade now remembered, he was finally so close to catching this evil man. Whose name only needed to be mentioned for him to feel rage coarse trough his veins. Red John. This name marked his existence. Without such a name there would be no need for his life to progress. After all; his 'Life' was murdered.

The only person that kept him sane, well as sane as she was able to, is Miss Teresa Lisbon. And oh how he hurt her so. He always did that, you know. To the people who cared for and nurtured him unconditionally. The last people he loved, who loved him; he hurt so badly that 'finally' their graphic death came to give them peace.

He hurt them till he caused their deaths. By being a careless, pretentious fraud. He spoke in haste and added unnecessary harsh adjectives to that already hated name. But to be fair; those words weren't that harsh at all. Let alone compared to what his nemesis wrote to him.

How could Lorelei say that he was _just _like Red John?

Sure, he could be described as manipulative and maybe a sociopath; proven by Agent Luther Wainwright. But NOTHING like Red John!

But there was something interesting, a clue, suspect, that seemed to be where they couldn't be. Shouldn't be?

Scanning the chart on the wall of the CBI basement one more time, he shakes his head.

Lisbon. Her opinion is needed here. And as a bonus he trusts her _just_ enough to tell her his findings on the Red John suspects.

He finally makes his decision.

He enters her office, and with the same sincerity Lisbon used on him a few days ago;

'Lisbon, I need you.'

rRr

'This isn't true. Is it? It can't be. It isn't. Right?" Lisbon is now reading the names of the suspects.

Shock grasps her.

'Jane?'

'It can't be true. But I've gone over the chart, a hundred times over, but I still get the same name.' Jane tries to explain.

'Jane?'

'Teresa. Something isn't right here.'

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**A/N**: **Be afraid. Be very afraid. P.S: Remember to take note of the names of the chapters! Please review. 'Tis appreciated!**

**To Be Continued...**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N****: Yes. The time has come. Chapter 2. Sorry it took so long to upload. I've been fairly busy.**

***VERY IMPORTANT*: This chapter contains spoilers of the Season 5 finale 'Red John's Rules' I suggest that you don't continue reading if you haven't watched Season 5 [finale]. And with that; YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.**

**Disclaimer****: I do not profit from these stories or own ****_The Mentalist._**

***Previously on 'Sorry Hurts'***

**This isn't true. Is it? It can't be. It isn't. Right?" Lisbon is now reading the names of the suspects. **

**Shock grasps her. **

**'Jane?' **

**'It can't be true. But I've gone over the chart, a hundred times over, but I still get the same name.' Jane tries to explain. **

**'Jane?' **

**'Teresa. Something isn't right here.'**

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Chapter 2: A guilty conscience

"What's on the disc?"

Lisbon is now at the metal door that holds all of Jane's secrets and demons alike. Just a week ago; he showed her a specific name linked to the Red John suspects. Too soon?

Jane opens the door and guides her to the chair in front of the laptop, with a gentle hand on her back.

And presses Play.

Lorelei Martins' bruised and beaten body, seated on a chair in a dark room, is now on the screen.  
The late...

The room is filled with only the sound of her voice.

"Hello Patrick. As you can see; things didn't go as planned. Don't say; 'I told you so'. Red John wants me to read a message to you. And in return; he won't make me suffer so much. He was very mad at me, so...I think this is very fair under the circumstances."

Lorelei stands up and takes a sheet of paper handed to her, from what seems to be behind the camcorder. Red John? Maybe...

"Patrick, Lorelei told me what she told you about shaking my hand. So I know that you have made a list. And I know that by the time you watch this video; you will have narrowed that list down to a few names. That's quite a feat of memory and research. Bravo. I bet you think you're pretty damn clever, but you're not. You got a lucky break. That's not clever. I'll show you clever. I'm going to kill a happy memory that you've never told anyone. And when you investigate; I'm going to lead you right to this video. There's more."

Dread shadows Lisbon's face as if she knows what's to come next.

"Right now I want you to take out your list of suspects and look at the names. I will give you a moment."

Jane hands the pictures of the suspects in a white envelope to Lisbon...

"Okay. The names are; "Lisbon proceeds to take out the pictures as the names are said.

"Bret Stiles, Gale Bertram, Raymond Haffner, Reede Smith, Patrick Jane," Lorelie looks up for a moment and then continues.

"Sheriff Thomas McAllister, Brett Partridge."

SILENCE.

"There. See? That's clever. But fair's fair, Patrick. You've changed the game, so there's new rules now. Eileen Turner is one of many. I'm going to start killing again. Often. Until you catch me. Or I catch you. "

A haunting blackness replaces the woman's presence on the screen.

Jane then ejects the disc and breaks it into multiple pieces, with his bare left hand. And scatters it's remains on the floor beneath him.

Patrick looks out the window and gives a loud sigh. Lisbon sits in the same still position. She glances at the pictures on the base of the laptop, and then glances at Jane. A shocked and quizzical look is all that is read on her face.

**SILENCE.**

rRr

"Jane." Lisbon hollers softly while knocking; increasing the intensity of the knocks. She is impatient.

"Jane! Jane, open this god-damn door! Now!"

Okay. Now she's pissed.

"Jane! If ..."

Jane finally opens the door stopping Lisbon's bout of threats.

The sight was scarring.

His hair was a tussled mess; which at most was heart-warming and cute. But this was different.

His eyes were distant, as if looking right through her...

And...was that the smell of Bourbon?

She had now pushed him gently aside. Scanning the room.

"Jane. Have you been drinking? This isn't like you. You never drink. Well... not like THIS."

There were empty bottles of vodka and whisky-about all together 9-at the side of his makeshift bed.

Jane let out a cruel chuckle at the statement Lisbon just made. That chuckle wasn't his...it sounded like that of an evil man. But really, that was a stupid remark. '_This isn't like you'_?

Apparently he wasn't who he was; not only to himself, but now to the most important person in his life. His name was on a list non-expected. Now THAT was not like him...

He now closed the door behind Lisbon who was still registering the scene before her.

"What was that?" Lisbon questions.

"What?"

"That chuckle..."

"Hmm?"

"The one you just made. What did that mean?"

Jane sighs, doesn't answer and 'walks' to his desk.

"Hold up...are you limping? Jane? Are you inj..."

"Wow! Lisbon! First of all; nice to see you too...ah so many questions! Okay... that chuckle was a... slip of the tongue. Yes...I do drink...Damn... I, my ah, left leg is in pain. Its' nothing."

"Jane."

"Yes Lisbon."

"I'm worr...I. I am here if you need me."

"I know."

"You need to understand that even if your name is on that list: that doesn't necessarily mean you are Red John."

"No."

"What?" Lisbon is a bit perplexed by Jane's heist reply.

"No. Because I'm the only one that **all** the evidence leads to."

"Red John never leaves evidence."

"Lisbon, I have flashbacks." Jane's voice sounds hoarse and his breathing is delayed."Lisbon. The flashbacks. They're of, someone. Me. But they aren't mine?"

"Jane. Breath. What do you mean?"

"I'm killing people in my flashbacks. And even... even though it doesn't make any sense, it is me. Killing."

Lisbon at this point has mixed emotions. What he just told her is not right. And it doesn't make any logical sense. And there isn't any proof. Or maybe she still doesn't want to accept it...

"Jane. You're over thinking. You weren't' even at home when your family was murdered. You were on an interview."

"No."

"Jane! Listen to me! Listen to what you are saying!"

They are breathing heavily. Silence feels the room. Going further with this conversation is dangerous...

This needs to be done.

Breath IN

Breath OUT

"I killed my family, Lisbon! And... I enjoyed it. I've been chasing myself this whole time. Damn it!"

"Jane..."

Jane is now weeping. Lisbon's heart yearns to comfort him. But what did he just say?

"Lisbon. You saw my name written on the piece of paper. You heard Lorelei say my name and now I keep seeing myself killing my own family. In my sleep and as I wallow here and think."

Lisbon doesn't know what to say. Her mouth is dry and her body is aching now. The impacts of his words are making her physically ill.

"Lisbon, I'm Red John."

He is in full-blown tears now.

"I killed my family, and I feel guilty for enjoying it at the time."

Her instinct of comforting got to her. Lisbon is crouching and hugging Jane; trying to comfort him. She lets out a strained sigh. It takes allsorts to make Jane breakdown.

"Jane. There is no evidence."

"What if I were to hand myself in?" Jane said this as his tears gradually subsided.

Okay. Now he truly started to frighten her. Even just a little bit. What if he were taken to jail? What if he were prosecuted in the highest manner...He is talking like a crazy person!

"Patrick you..."

"Teresa. You said it yourself; that when we found Red John, he would be tried by a court of the Law... Well. Here I am."

Jane has now left Lisbon's calming embrace, and sat upright. She isn't reluctant but her grip was tightening. Looking at her; it is as if she is in shock and her eyes are starting to visually water.

"Jane. Think about this carefully. You go to jail or you are sentenced to the death penalty, for hideous crimes, Jane. Crimes you did not do!"

"I have to right what's wrong. I can't act the coward now!"

"You are talking about tactically killing yourself!"

"I made a vow..."

But before Jane can complete his sentence, Lisbon speaks.

"Patrick. I know you. You are not that evil man. You are a good man Jane; a man who has redeemed himself."

"I thought ...'I' knew 'me' too. But it turns out that neither of us actually do."

Then it finally struck them both.

Patrick Jane killed his own family. And.

It hurt to accept it.

Jane and Lisbon sat there on the floor. Both reeling; Lisbon with confusion and pain, and Jane with sorrow and guilt.


End file.
